It's Been a While

It's been a while since I've heard your voice,
That warm comforting voice,
Always uttering helpful words of wisdom.
You always knew so much more about life than I,
Teaching me day by day.

You watched me grow into a woman,
Always supporting me no matter what.
You were pround of what I was becoming,
Loving me endlessly without question, never judging.
While you were watching me mature into the person I am today,
I was watching you struggle to stay alive.

You said over and over that everything would end up all right in the end.
You always knew just what to say to make the world seem like it was on our side.
You were wrong this time,
The world wasn't on our side.

It took you away from me,
Leaving me alone, longing for your love.
Without someone to tell me I was beautiful,
To wipe my tears away as they rolled down my cheek,
Without someone to share my fears, my joys and my truimphs.

I heard your voice again last night.
I've missed it every day since you've been gone.
I saw your smile again last ngiht,
I've been wishing for it ever hour since you've been away.

In my dream you said
You'd alwasy be near
And now that I think of it,
You said the same thing
The day you died.

You always did know just what to say
To make the world seem like it
Was on our side.

After the Winter... God Sends the Spring

Easter is a season
Of hope and joy and cheer,
There's beauty all around us
To see and touch and hear...
So, no matter how down hearted
And discouraged we maybe,
New hope is born when we behold
Leaves budding on a tree...
Or when we see a timid flower
Push through the frozen sod
And open wide in glad surprise
Its petaled eyes to God...
For this is just God saying-
"Lift up your eyes to Me,
and the bleakness of your spirit,
Like the budding springtime tree,
Will lose its wintery darkness
And your heavy heart will sing"-
For God never sends the winter
Without the joy of spring.

___________________
"My times are in thy hand..." Psalms 31:15

Nightmares

A new dawn emerges
with its layers and layers
of pinks and yellows.

As the sun swallows up my
bedroom with satin rays of sunlight
I wake...
sweaty and screaming
foolish and alone.
And so I continue on...
living each day
feeling his sweat...
and hearing his heavy breath
in the back of my mind
every time silence creeps up on me.

Later I watch the sun, so naive
crawl under the horizon...
and I get restless as dusk approaches
for I know that when my head hits
that pillow...
the fight begins...
and he always wins
in the end.

Carrying my innocence off
holding it up to the moonlight
kicking and screaming until
... finally ...
he leaves it and walks away
while it is raw and naked on the ground.

... until a new dawn emerges
with its layers and layers
of pinks and yellows...
Good morning.

A Teenager's Prayer

God, here I am in a "chaotic state"
Seeking some way to do "something great" ...
I want to be someone who contributes to make
A less violent world for everyone's sake...
But who can I go to and who can I trust,
Who'll show me the difference between love and lust?
I'm willing to listen, I'm willing to do
Whatever it takes to make this world "new" ...
But in the confusion and the noise all around
Where can the answer to my question be found?
Dear God up in heaven, hear a teenager's plea-
Show me somewhere what You want me to be!
____________________________
This peom is dedicated to all of the teenagers out there who are having problems finding the right place to fit it. Look to God for all the answers. He will direct you in the correct direction!

Sorrowful Lesson

The mall was overcrowded, shoppers rushed from store to store;
Nobody paid attention, as she crouched there on the floor.
She didn't look in trouble, and she didn't seem afraid;
Apparently, she stopped to rest, she did not need my aid.

A little girl of eight or nine, and cute as she could be,
I wondered, should I stop and ask, if she needs help from me?
I wondered if her mother had just left her alone,
I thought, as I walked by her, in my haste to get home.

As I left the mall, I could not get her off my mind.
Did that little girl need help? Was I just acting blind?
It bothered me so much, I had to go back in the mall;
I had to get this settled in my mind once and for all.

The mall began to close, I heard some chain doors coming down,
But, as I looked, the little girl was nowhere to be found.
Is it my imagination, that again is running wild?
Thinking I had lost my chance to help this poor lost child.

I guess she must be fine or she would still be sitting here,
I get way to emotional at Christmastime each year.
I had to leave and get back home, where it is safe and warm,
The weather forecast for that night, a chilling winter storm.

Late that night it happened, as the weather station said,
Frigid cold and heavy snow while I was snug in bed.
In the morning, I awoke to winter's nasty caper,
The only place I'd go that day was out to get the paper.

Cozy in my kitchen, with my news and a cup of tea,
But as I saw the front page, it devastated me.
On the front page down below, a little headlines read,
"At the local shopping mall, a little girl found dead."

It was 4 A.M. this morning when police received the call,
The caller said a little girl was found dead behind the mall.
It was the chilling elements that brought her close to death,
As she lay down, she fell asleep and breathed her final breath.

I could not read the rest of it, as I began to weep,
While I slept safe, a l ittle girl had frozen in her sleep.
Years have passed me now, but it still haunts my dreams;
Was the little girl they found the same one I had seen?

I can't forget that little girl, no matter how I try,
But now when someone seems in need, I never pass them by.
The lesson I have learned from this was difficult but true,
The last chance that someone may have could very well be you.

____________________________________________
This unfortunatly is a true to life poem... It happened to me. 2 years ago today. I was 16 years old and it was at our local shopping mall. I will never be able to forget that little girl. So, next time you see someone who needs help... Please help them... I know from then on I have and will continue to do so!

The Fork in the Road

One path
forks into two
one
smooth
free of rocks
only dirt and emerald green grass
the second
rocky
no grass
only rocks covered by the tall brush
Which should I take?
the smooth road?
or the road less traveled?
I take the rocky road
At the end
though I'm exhausted
I have a grin
spread across my face.

My Love

The night was young
the soft breeze blowing
Your arms wrapped around me
your chin upon my shoulder
As our soft cheeks touch
I get a shiver down my spine


You softly whisper in my ear
and run your finger down my cheek
I slowly turn around to face you
I drop my head to your chest
as you hold me tight
For the first time i feel truely safe


You run your hand through my hair
and gently press your soft lips to mine
A simple kiss with more passion
than I've ever felt before
As you pull away from my lips you kiss my forehead
and pull me in closer to you


As we lay together under the stars
we hold each other tight
As we look out at the ocean
we turn back to gaze into each others eyes
Laying on the cool sand we enjoy soft kisses
and caressing touches for the rest of the night


--------------------------------------------
This is dedicated to ... I don't know... take a guess

Because of You

Not now not ever will I be the same.
I never wanted this, but now I became
A person that I did not want to be.
The pain in my eyes if you could only see.
Because of you,
I can never fall asleep.
I take a knife and kut so deep.
Because of you,
I wish I would die.
I want to leave with not even a goodbye.
Because of you,
I cant take a step with out fear.
I cant go a day with out shedding a tear.
Why? Will you tell me why you did it?
I kut my legs, and watch my flesh split.
As my sweet blood fills the crack.
So bitter and sour,my blood so black.
Because of you,
My smile is my sheild it hides the pain each day,
The pain so extreme that will never go away.
Because of you,
I will never be the same as all the girls.
No pink little dress, or hair of curls.
Just darkness, a shadow that fades.
Only black, I have no other shades.
Because of you,
My heart is broken, My happiness lost.
The peices so sharp, bleeding and tossed.
Because of you,
Im afraid in the shadows, and no one will look.
I cry in fear, my smile you took.
Because of you,
I hate who I have became.
Sad, and lost everday is the same.
Looking in the mirror as tears run down my face.
One after another like its some kind of race.
Not knowing who that person is looking at me.
I wish I knew, I wish I could see.
Something other than pain to feel.
The person I once was, with a smile so real.
Because of you,
My tears are becoming dry.
Not having one day, that I do not cry.
Because of you,
I cut my skin, suffering and wondering why.
Waiting for nothing but my time to die.

___________________________________
This poem is dedicated to Jon... U SUCK!!

Cold Razor Meets Warm Flesh

I am filled with discontent
My head is full and racing
I cannot control myself
Across the floor i'm pacing

Back and forth,
back and forth
How much can i take?
Why am i asleep so long?
Why can't i just wake

But i know it's not a dream
I know what i must do
I know that i must free myself
The world must get its due

I pull out a blade of sorts
A razor that i hide
To free myself from this hell
The blade's edge as my guide

I tell myself i need this now
In the blade i must confide
My worthless dreams and reckless fury
That i keep deep inside

But then i think, perhaps,
That this is not the end
That it is not my time to die
My life i must defend

But it still hurts deep inside
It won't let me breathe
And i feel cold razor meet warm flesh
See the cut and bleed

Again

If when you wake up in the morning,
And the hurting is so great,
You don't want to get out of bed
And face a world of hate.

If everythink in life goes wrong
And nothing you do seems right,
You just try a little harder
And soon you'll see the light.

For every person who has put you down
And filled your life with pain,
You must strive to achieve greatness
And show them you can win.

For every disappointment,
For the times you are let down,
There will be a better moment
And your life will turn around.

Because everyone feels heartache
And everyone feels pain,
But only those who have true courage
Can get up and try again.

____________________________________________
This poem is dedicated to all the people who have thought that you can't get up and try again. You have to prove everyone who ever cut you down and made you feel unworthy wrong. However, first you must have confidence in yourself.

Just One of Those Days

"This is the worst day of my life,"
she says casually
as she has a million plus times before.
She slams the door to her room,
blocking the outside world,
the chaos,
and her parents.


Everything is always going wrong
and there's nothing she can do.
"Leave me alone!"
she yells,
not really talking to anyone particular.
She draws in a deep breath.
She inhales her troubles,
her sorrows, her secrets.


She exhales nothing-
all of her feelings stay locked inside.
She keeps them close until they consume
her soul slowly- bit by bit.
Her angry music blast loudly,
heard down the street.
But she doesn't care.


She is only concerned with her troubles,
and she can't seem to get them out of her mind.
They stay there eating away her other thoughts.
Jumping onto her bed and burying her head
into her covers as deep as they can go,
she looks back on her day, sighs,
and gets ready for tomorrow.

I Am

I am a poet writing of my pain.
I am a person living a life of shame.
I am your daughter hiding my depression.
I am your sister making a good impression.
I am your friend acting like I'm fine.
I am a wisher wishing this life weren't mine.
I am a girl who thinks of suicide.
I am teenager pushing her tears aside.
I am a student who doesn't have a clue.
I am the girl sitting next to you.
I am the one asking you to care.
I am your best friend hoping you'll be there.

____________________________________
This poem is dedicated to all the people who have ever thought of suicide. Whatever your case may be... suicide is not the answer. I have been there. I know how you feel. You feel like the whole world is against you. That you have not got a friend who cares. You feel alone and afraid. I hate to break it to you but the whole world isn't against you and you do have a friend who cares and you do have a right to feel afraid. If you have suicidal thoughts... talk to someone... my email... IM and cell phone is always open.